NYT: “Bush, Resetting Agenda, Says U.S. Must Cut Reliance on Oil “

February 1, 2006 psipsina

I will confess straight off that I did not watch the State of the Union Address.  I recognize this as a failing, but I simply can’t stand to look at the simian Retard-in-Chief’s smug, smirking, lying face punctuating every sentence with “9/11” as if the phrase even meant anything any more.  Anyone who knows me knows that writing my monthly report for work ranks right up there with a visit to the orthodontist as a favorite pastime.  The fact that I opted to write my monthly report, on my own time, rather than watch SotU, speaks for itself.

So imagine my surprise when I saw the headlines on our nation’s newspapers this morning.  At first I wondered if someone had slipped something in my morning coffee, and if so, where could I obtain a steady supply?  Bush wants to cut U.S. oil use?  I suppose the next thing you know, McDonald’s will be promoting vegetarianism, or Wal-Mart will triple the wages of all its employees.

I mean, just look at some samples: Bush, Resetting Agenda, Says U.S. Must Cut Reliance on Oil, proclaims the New York Times.  The Wall Street Journal declares, “BUSH VOWED no retreat in Iraq, and urged Mideast oil addiction stopped.”  The LA Times sports this swell headline, Bush Says U.S. Must Stay Course in Iraq, Cut Oil Use.

Silly me, I thought we were in Iraq because of oil.  Anybody who tells you differently, Highness, is selling something.

I don’t care what he said in the address about alternative energy sources.  He lied about Iraq; he lied about funding No Child Left Behind; what lies is this man incapable of telling?  Maybe he’d be a better president if he sat down and watched The Princess Bride:   We are men of action, lies do not become us.

So, for those of you who need a refresher, here is a round of What the Administration Says – What They Really Mean.

When they say:  Stay the course in Iraq.
What they mean:  We’ll keep bombing the shit out of Iraq until they are provoked into retaliating, thus proving that we were right all along.

When they say:  We must reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
What they mean:  It’s ANWR time!  Good thing we have all those oilmen buddies.

When they say:  9/11TM
What they mean:  Thank you, Osama Bin Laden, for providing us with an excuse to attack Iraq.

When they say:  Isolationism is bad.
What they mean:  The United States has the right to unilaterally interfere in the foreign and domestic affairs of any nation regardless of whether there is any evidence that they mean to harm us.  When we are done with Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, and North Korea, we plan to take on those godless queer commies in Sweden.

When they say:  Protectionism is bad.
What they mean:  Free trade is great if the only result is that the poor get poorer.  But if any of our buddies in the board rooms of corporate America lose one penny, we’ll slap a tarriff on the asses of the Southeast Asians faster than you can say “misunderestimate”.

When they say:  Clear plan for victory in Iraq.
What they mean:  Clear plan for victory in the 2008 elections.

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