Advice Sought

October 5, 2007 psipsina

How can I get people to stop addressing me by the Red-Haired Boy’s last name? Especially people who were at our wedding, and heard lizmosphere, who officiated, introduce us as married couple with the same last names we had when we were single?  Or worse, people we told outright before the wedding.

It’s incredibly frustrating.

I love playing the following game with telemarketers:

Telemarketer: Is Mr. Red-Haired Boy there?
Psipsina: No.
TM: Mrs. Red-Haired Boy?
Psipsina: No.
TM: Who am I speaking with, then?
Psipsina: I am Mr. Red-Haired Boy’s wife.

This usually flusters them enough (why? though lots of women take their husband’s names, women keeping their own names isn’t that uncommon) that I can take advantage of the silence to tell them I don’t do any kind of monetary transactions – purchases, donations, etc. – over the phone. I did once have a telemarketer reply, “Oh, well, that’s interesting,” as though she didn’t approve. Well, I don’t approve of people making assumptions, either. A telemarketer will earn way more points with me by skipping the second question and going straight to, “And who am I speaking with?”

Anyway, I can’t really do that with relatives now, can I?

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Entry Filed under: feminism, wedding

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Lizmosphere&hellip  | 

    My favorite one goes like this:
    Them: Is this Mrs. H?
    Me: (angrily) That bastard is married!?

    As for advice, neither one of us talks to our family much and that seems to work pretty well. Seriously, though the best way I can think of is just to talk about your decision. Mention it casually, not at the time of them using the wrong name. Talk about not wanting to change for your business contacts, your degree, your long time friends, your sense of self, etc.

    Or you could use the passive agressive Seattle method of communicating: casually drop into conversation that people who assume that married women take their husband’s last name are “just the worst,” while pretending that you don’t remember that the person you are talking to is in fact one of those people.

    If that all fails, just tell them that the real reason is that RHB said he didn’t love you enough to share his name. It’s sort of a variation on the “I’m barren” gambit. They’ll feel terrible! 🙂

    Yours in Christ, L

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